Wow where has that two months gone !! End of another school year and Year 1 for A, reports written and a distinction for my recent assignment, feeling ready for this summer holiday. What do i have planned ?
Well unfortunately for me i miss the girls for there 2 week holiday with Dad this year but he’s getting married so I’m sure they will have an amazing time. For me and Mr A theres a camping trip with girlfriends and then our first abroad holiday for 3 in lovely Portugal ! will be strange but I’m sure very lovely.
After 2 weeks of paternity leave it was time for Mr G to go back to work, and daytime it was just me and A, it took a bit of getting used to as the girls were now becoming independent so to the go back to a little one dependant totally on you was hard at first. Also the majority of my friends children were now teenagers so the task of meeting new mums with little ones started.
Luckily for me i already had a friend in a similar situation as me with teenagers and two young daughters, one was the same age as A so this was brilliant, she took me under her wing and J and A got on really well, i was then introduced to some lovely mums with little ones and some without which became my local support network.
Before we adopted A we asked advice as to what to do about a holiday, they recommended not to go to far stay in this country and take familiar things like bedding with you to surround him with. So we chose our favourite seaside place lovely Lyme Regis. We booked a lovely 3 bedroom cottage in the centre of Lyme. He was so excited packed his Thomas rucksack and we showed him pictures of our holiday house so that he could become familiar with it.
When we arrived he said “holiday house” and looked really happy he settled in straight away, we put his Thomas duvet on and he put his teddy on his bed and all was good.
When we went into adoption process and in my first blog i think i had mentioned my husbands difficult relationship with his birth children due to circumstances beyond his control. He had gone from not being a parent on a day to day basis for 5 years to suddenly having this little boy who is just so giving, lovely and due to his needs needing total attention throughout the day.
He didn’t want me to write this because he said it would make him look bad but i think it does completely the opposite it shows how human, lovely and the fantastic dad that he has always been. He just had a wobble and when i started this blog not only did i want to show the positive things but also the wobbles on the way as you will have them and knowing that helps, it normal and good to talk about them.
While in Lyme Regis i found Mr G on the bed upset i asked what was wrong and he said “i think we’ve made a mistake, i can’t do this” at first i was shocked but then after it had sunk in i realised that it was a wobble. I had a chat and said how difficult it must be ,you suddenly have this little man calling you Dad again (a word he hasn’t heard in a long time) and wanting your attention, its bound to bring up old wounds and guilt for his 2 children. Even though through no fault of his own as he had fought and struggled for 5 years to have a relationship with them, he was still bound to feel guilty for loving and being a dad to another little one.
I made sure for the rest of the day he had some space and explained that i had had a couple of days pulling my hair out when he’d gone back to work, but parenthood does that to you on many occasions, the difference is girls chat and offload and boys don’t.
When we came home he did give the adoption services a call for a chat and they were really supportive and said that this was normal and were actually pleased he had called them and gave him the number of a father of adopted children support group for a chat.
The wobble came and went and we had a lovely week in lovely Lyme.
So Mr G you are not a bad person just a lovely one