As well as family members and ex partners we were asked to give them the names of friends of ours that would be able to give character references. This is when I realised just how lucky in life I am thanks to some very lovely friends we were given so may positive and lovely references. Some were interviewed and some were emails but they were all so positive and so supportive of what we were doing. I was overwhelmed and can never thank them all enough.
We were also lucky enough to have a Grandma (mother in law) who also gave us a positive and lovely reference.
Unfortunately, social services then received a family members and my husband’s ex-wife’s reference. I remember getting this news in Tesco’s while I was walking round doing my shopping and bursting in to tears it was just awful.
I can get anger and I can get being bitter but I don’t understand the need to destroy someone’s life and not just our lives, the chance of another little person in the care system getting the chance to be part of a loving family.
Of course at this stage we thought that all the negative things that we said about us would now ruin our chances of being accepted as adopters.
Luckily for us or lovely social worker who does this all the time actually believed us and the positive people in our lives.
To me this was actually life changing. A lot of my past was spent with people saying very negative things about me, that I’m attention seeking! if only people knew what I was really like! To actually have a professional person say, no matter how close those people were to me that they were wrong and I am actually a nice person was just lovely. Of course my husband, daughters and friends have been telling me that for a long time so now I’m actually beginning to believe I’m ok.
With regard to the negative references our social worker then made appointments to actually meet up with them to discuss their comments.
Sorry I haven’t posted for a while just been on our amazing first holiday as a 5 to Disneyworld, a very special 2 weeks making the best memories.
“The lovely J”
We were both nervous about meeting her for the first time as we knew she would play a key part in our adoption process so it was important she liked us and we could get on with her.
Luckily for us she was just lovely and we both clicked with her straight away it helped that she loved my house and my love of Emma Bridgewater mugs!
She started by asking us about our lives from birth until present day, luckily for us we are both quite open people and don’t mind discussing quite difficult and personal things, sadly another couple that was on our adoption course couldn’t cope with how intrusive the questioning was and called us to let us know that they had pulled out of the process, we had been told that this was quite common and a high percentage or prospective adopters drop out at this stage.
We were then told that we had to write our life stories in our own words from childhood to present day. Although we found this quite therapeutic we also found this quite difficult and emotional as not only did we have to visit some happy memories we also had to write about some very difficult times we had been through.
This took a while to do but on the plus side we got to know a lot about each other that we had never found out before.
I think this meeting was possibly one of the most difficult we had. Just to explain a little my husband had a really difficult split from his ex-wife which involved his own daughters being turned against him and after 5 years he was still struggling to even see them let alone have a relationship with them. It brought back all the emotions and guilt that he had been through over the past 5 years. He was torn between more rejection once they knew he was trying to adopt, the guilt of wanting to adopt and have the chance at being a dad again. I just kept trying to reassure him that he had always been a good dad, he hadn’t left his girls he had left an unhappy marriage and he deserved a chance at being a dad to another little person that needed one.
After this was done our next job was to give them some people that would be prepared to give us references, this also meant that they had to obtain references from ex partners.