As well as family members and ex partners we were asked to give them the names of friends of ours that would be able to give character references. This is when I realised just how lucky in life I am thanks to some very lovely friends we were given so may positive and lovely references. Some were interviewed and some were emails but they were all so positive and so supportive of what we were doing. I was overwhelmed and can never thank them all enough.
We were also lucky enough to have a Grandma (mother in law) who also gave us a positive and lovely reference.
Unfortunately, social services then received a family members and my husband’s ex-wife’s reference. I remember getting this news in Tesco’s while I was walking round doing my shopping and bursting in to tears it was just awful.
I can get anger and I can get being bitter but I don’t understand the need to destroy someone’s life and not just our lives, the chance of another little person in the care system getting the chance to be part of a loving family.
Of course at this stage we thought that all the negative things that we said about us would now ruin our chances of being accepted as adopters.
Luckily for us or lovely social worker who does this all the time actually believed us and the positive people in our lives.
To me this was actually life changing. A lot of my past was spent with people saying very negative things about me, that I’m attention seeking! if only people knew what I was really like! To actually have a professional person say, no matter how close those people were to me that they were wrong and I am actually a nice person was just lovely. Of course my husband, daughters and friends have been telling me that for a long time so now I’m actually beginning to believe I’m ok.
With regard to the negative references our social worker then made appointments to actually meet up with them to discuss their comments.